Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Looks like my mind takes after my body or the other way around - always restless, on the go, ready for wondering and wandering. As soon as I try to stay put I start wasting my time, as if I was afraid to look at things the way they are and live life the way it comes. The more I read and the more I look around, the more I feel the world is absurd, all this rush for money and things is absurd, our obsession with physical appearance (a bag to hold together the muscles, bones and organs), our habits to spend the days sitting inside a windowless office and then go working out in a windowless gym, not for pleasure, but to please our conscience.

Maybe that's why I like to travel so much, it gives me an unbelievable sense of freedom, and lightness, no mandatory dress code, no imposed schedules. Property means burden, bu we also feel the need of this damn security. I realized that leaving Romania with its petty deep rooted never-to-be-solved social and economic problematic enlarged my horizons, only to make me realize we are caught in circus like system: if you play the game right you get your reward. No matter where you live.

Sometimes I think I'd be happier in a farm, growing my own fruits and veggies (taking after Michelle Obama digging around the White House:) I acquire my long sought peace of mind when I walk, I swim and I dance, all my dark thoughts and my pains are alleviated. I'd love to live the same way like these new nomads but I'm hardly succeeding to live decently - according to my own standards - by staying put in Montréal. I hope to make it to Santiago de Compostela at least, while my legs can still carry me. Obviously from some place in Europe. A Spanish friend told me he met a Dutch lady who came all the way from there. In Romania I would have the hardest time making it to the border, afterwards it's probably easier.
A lot of I's in this post, it means I have to do something about all my moaning.

Monday, March 16, 2009


Ouch, since I have my Romanian blog this one gets less and less attention, although it has been my trusty companion since 2005. I managed to practice my English, listen to myself through it, keep track of my thoughts and happenings. All my troubles, joys, self and job searches have gone through here. The funny part is the Romanian blog, although new, gets a lot of feedback, I met many wonderful and unknown people this way. At the same time I'd like to keep writing in English, without translating from one blog to another, or keep re-counting the same things.

This year will be decisive, meaning I might take the way back to Romania. I don't call it home, as I kind of lost the feeling of what home might be. I travelled so much, liked so many things, loved and befriended so many people that it's hard to say. Home might be where your mom is as well. Maybe. My mom shared quite a few destinations with me and we both have an wandering spirit, only hers could not fly free during the dark socialism years.

I don't belong to Canada more than I belong anywhere else. Could be that I don't feel there is a Canadian identity, but just a few values, such as human and civil rights, nature and wide spaces, ecology. A country of simple honest people that just want to live quietly and honestly. A country of no excess. And it seems that even deep in my thirties I still need some kind of spiritual excess, that you can only find here close to the First Nations and the Inuits I guess.

I just got my citizenship but the ceremony felt like one more immigration formality, I literally felt like we were cattle, waiting to be branded (we were all designed by numbers), with a nice maple leaf. Although, looking around me, I saw many hopeful happy faces, of people coming from countries much more problematic than Romania, who really praised the promise of a land where race or religion is not important, as long as you behave like a good citizen. I admit that I am kind of spoiled by destiny, roaming free through life, pretty much as I please, although I had to pay my prices too and I always earned my living. Pretty soon I'll have my master's diploma and the passport. And a decision to make, possibly.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

I'm a piece of chocolate

Leonidas has a praline called Antoinette. Naturally, I identify myself with the dark version.

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