Thursday, February 12, 2009

August 25, 05 - About hedonism, thanking friends, looking for a life purpose, identity issues

1266 days ago

Ok, Im starting with the last one...basically what I want from life is to be able to be myself - 24 hours, have a medallion that reads ESSE QUAM VIDERI - To be, rather than to seem (just got translation from Internet, I thought it was I am what you see, that's even better!). Therefor, find a job that would allow me to show and develop my real self, my best skills.

An university proffesor of mine (Roger Tessier, from Montréal!) told me once I am like a gardener that has all kinds of fruits and vegetables in his garden and doesn't know what to pick, letting some of them rotten. I guess there lies my problem: I'm unable to focus, in world that's more and more specialized.

So I'm looking for what I really, really want to do, maybe I don't even know this exists, maybe it is something still unknown to me. But I need to find it fast, as I feel I'm wasting myself.

We live in a world where hedonism - pleasure as life's ultimate purpose became most frequent way of life. Lifestyle matters so much, comfort - keep away from pain, keep away from becoming a loser, this is the worst thing that may happen. Success as a measure of all things, judged by social position, exposure, posessions. Convenient appearances, covering inner emptiness, fear of existing for real, of experiencing extreme emotions, extreme sensations replaced those.

Feeling like saying a word for my Portuguese friends who sent me two great CD's: MARIZA - TRANSPARENTE and my beloved MISIA - DIVA BOX. Mariza will be here in one month time for a concert. Funny, right? I'm going, obviously. Got also a book by Fernando Pessoa, one of the greatest modern writers. It bears the most appropriate title for the present moment: The book of anxiousness.

Well, so much for now...tomorrow I gotta go make some more money And Saturday I'll be moving alone, for the first time in my life!

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