Thursday, February 12, 2009

August 15, 05 - summer starts to fade away, changes are about to come...

1276 days ago

Still had some gorgeous Saturdays out of the city: in the mountains in Adirondacks, USA, on July 23 and 30, 6 of August in Québec city and nearby Montmorency water falls, two days ago on the shore of lake Monroe in the beautiful secteur La Diable of the Mont Tremblant parc. Hiking, swimming, lying in the sun, oh, who could ask for more? Mountain paradise, after the tropical Caribbean one.

Saw another great, nevertheless depressing film: Saraband, by my beloved Ingmar Bergman - anatomy of the complicated fibers of human soul: love, hate, selfishness, dependence/independence, involving a man in his 80's, his ex-wife who's 63, his son being 61 and his daughter 19. Three generations, two men, two women, intimate cinema, naked souls, it torn me apart, but sometimes we need it.

It just occured to me that I'm some kind of grown up little mermaid, knowing the ways of the world, unable to stop being myself, even if I know it's gonna hurt.

How can a woman who's 60 still believe in the man who cheated on her 30 years before? How can she still be there for him and ready to give it another try? Where does she find all that tenderness, patience, forgiveness? And how comes that after all these years he still haven't learned? The film maker himself is in his 80's, so he knows what he's talking about...and like a critic said, the very last image: Written and directed by Ingmar Bergman leaves you with a bitter taste...maybe you'll never see this again, on a new release.

So much about this...also to be seen "Me and You and Everyone We Know" - an independant American film that's excellent: bittersweet, tender and sincere. All here and now.

As about changes, tomorrow I'll go pick up my keys from the new appartment...I'll start moving a few things myself, then the big MOVE will take place August 27. I've been by myself since July 9, when my roomie went to Romania. In the summer you hardly feel it, always out doing something. I need to live alone, to get my life organized, paying the bills and all...time to grow up a little more. A little more bitter also, without diminishing my natural state of enthusiasm, I can be enthusiastically sad or depressed too.

Going back to "Saraband" - I'm so tired of this people that don't know how to express themselves, who are afraid of feelings, because they might hurt and grow old and bitter and selfish, and are awkward when they try. They might reach out for a moment, get a bit of human warmth then go back to their cave again - how pathetic. I like to leave my emotions to the bottom of the glass, burn it to the end, why would we have a soul then? Modern people invented extreme sports and rave music excitement because of poor emotional life.

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