Thursday, February 12, 2009

May 22, 05 - Existing

1361 days ago

I am what I am continously becoming - the being, adding every day new shades to my colourful personality, getting rid of some of them that don't match the pattern anymore.

So...what I've been up too, these few weeks: Started seeing someone, sometimes, as he is in Ottawa. Do like him, distance is a matter of time too, sometimes I'm doubtful, trapped in my cosmopolitan Eastern European immigrant scheme. Worried about this feeling that everything is so temporary in my life right now: house, job, friends, who knows if I will settle here, who knows if I'm done running around the globe? In Romania we're used to live for long in the same house, same city, have lifetime friends, here people change much more often the town, the appartment, it's true that nothing really belongs to us here on Earth. But I'm more vulnerable here and now, because there is really no one I can rely on, or maybe there are a few people, but I don't want to admit it.

Anyway, I really want to make it work, every now and then on the week-end, tried long distance unsuccessful relationships before, maybe short distance, same country would be better. Especially because we seem to look at the world through the same window, have similar lifestyle and interests - including other people, their lifes, ideas, cultures, the will to help when necessary. I guess this is what most matters to me now when looking at somebody, not just the attraction, having a good time together, but the deeper motivations, what moves us through life. Bottomline - if we both put a little effort in it, this relationship has no reason not to work out fine.

Trying also to figure out my life - what I really want to do, need to look for another job in autumn, I will move soon with a Romanian friend, until September, then finally alone. Bought furniture, for the first time in my life, not cheap, but cheap quality doll furniture from Ikea, so breakable but nice looking. Actually when I was little the doll furniture I inherited from my mom's childhood was real wood - how ironic.

I have a few groups of friends, Romanians too, mostly very mixed though, go out a lot. Hopefully if weather gets better I shall go out of the city, I miss Mother Nature soooo much, although the trees in bloom all around Montreal help a lot. Spring here is an explosion, maybe because it comes so late too.

Gotta go now - Brasilian music time, tomorrow we don't work - Queen's day!

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