Thursday, February 12, 2009


1060 days ago

So, the visiting Romanian director has been told about who's daughter I am, and he knew my father personally, having an "interesting relationship" with him. I avoided the subject as I didn't want to get into details. I prefer to be known and judged by who I am here and now.

I saw many good films in the festival, but I noticed I got deeply touched by the ones telling the life story of famous men who neglected their families: tango musician Astor Piazzolla, superb Chilean poet Pablo Neruda and Ingmar Bergman, one of my favourite film directors. I cried in the dark of the cinema, as I was thinking again about my father, the impossibility to go back, to try again.

Ingmar Bergman even said remorse is not viable, as it is a way for yourself to feel pain, by no means comparable to the one your kids had to feel.

So I take another deep breath and try to put my demons to a rest.

I also have to live with a pressure of having to do something about my life, giving it a sense. For me, not for my father, but as part of me is from him... I'm 31, not too late, yet, but time is running.

Back to Ingmar Bergman...he made so many films, and still, he prefers theatre, but movies being spread all over the world, this is the label he has to bear.

On the Färö island, alone in his nice Swedish country house he waits to close accounts with time, fighting with memories, fears, age. He said many things I feel myself, like the demons will torment you in the inside, if you're out, you're free. I think nature has this healing power. He also said only musicians, profets, saints tell us about the outer world. I'd say any gifted artist does. And it takes skills to create art, but also skills to feel it right. I would have liked to have a chat with him... foolish me.

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