238 days ago
I found today on another blog, belonging to a young and quite successfull young Italian author Pulsatilla, a few phrases that suit me:
"martedì, 10 giugno 2008
A questo punto te lo dico, qual è la cosa molto semplice da fare per tenermi sempre con te e non farmi andare più via: avere fiducia in me, in te e in noi. Quando ti dirò che non ce la faccio, tu mi dovrai dire che ce la posso fare eccome. Quando ti dirò che forse sarebbe meglio separare le strade, tu mi dovrai dire che non troverò nessun amore bello come il nostro. Quando avrò voglia di scopare qualcun altro, tu dovrai dirmi che nessuno mi sa scopare bene come te. Sono una persona semplice, per farmi restare devi soltanto dire «resta».
Nessuno ha mai osato chiederlo, e forse, in fondo, non sarebbe mai valsa la pena restare. "
"At this point I'm telling you, what's the very simple thing to do for having me always next to you and not makimg me leave: trust me, you and us. When I'm telling you that I can't make it anymore, you should be telling me that I can, here I am. When I'm telling you that maybe it would be better to split ways, you should be telling me that I won't find any other love to match ours. When I'm feeling the desire to have sex with someone else, you should be telling me that no one can give me better sex than you do. I'm a simple person, to make me stay you just have to say "stay". No one ever dared to ask for it, and maybe, really, to stay wasn't even worth it."
Well, I knew this for a long time, it was never hard to find men that I liked who admire me and want to have a good time and experience some intense emotions, but, oh!, who had the guts to tell me "Stay!"? The ones who did didn't quite know who and how I am made, they thought they wanted me when they wanted whom they think I was. The ones who knew me and could have made me stay didn't ask for it, I want it all and I I want it now all the time, too much energy to bear with.
Another thing Pulsatilla says : "I love Pulsatilla but I'd rather be with Rosa". I'm lovely and uncomfortable, like a pair of stilettos that you can't possibly wear every day. Like truffles, foie gras or caviar, an overdose is yucky, once or twice a year in small quantities is ideal.
And still, this crazy boyfriend of mine is unrealistic enough to be willing to share his life with me. I guess you have to be Cuban, artist, be called Adrian and have a lot of patience and perseverance to be able of such a performance. He won't let go, for once I'm getting what I was expecting, the simplest way: STAY. And he won't limit himself to it, he would follow me. I guess he deserves me then, I don't have a choice. A new story is about to begin for me: a real life of two, through good and hard times.
PS There's another Italian blog that I like much more, and I bumped into it because somebody who couldn't tell me "Stay" gave me the author's book: "Di dove sei?". The book is simple and great, filled with stories about our daily lives, revolving around jobs, kids, condos or rented apartments, the hairdresser, the beautician, the fashion obsession, etc. Marilena has a very keen eye on people and their ways of living life.