Thursday, February 12, 2009


944 days ago

All these ups and downs of mine are so tiring. Like my nerves are stepping on themselves. Vicious circle.

I keep on asking myself "What am I doing here?". Here or there or anywhere.

* Have to keep on writing my Italian stories for now.

* Have to have patience throughout the summer, maybe the answer for the master will be a positive one.

* To enjoy my wonderful friends, the richness of Montréal.

* To hope the door I'm looking for will open when I expect it less and I'll be able to get involved in what I'm doing and use my skills to full capacity

* Have to keep my head above water.

The worst thing is that I cannot even complain. I have a comfortable life. I earn enough for my needs, I like the appartment I'm living in, I have many great people as friends, I can consider myself super lucky. I just feel super - average. Très mediocre.

I'm quite happy I met Ljuba, from Croatia (somehow, she's half German), she organized a Gypsy Festival last year here and is planning another one for next year. We share the same love and interest for the Gypsies' cultures and kinds of music, so hopefully I'll be able to work with her and partially see one of my dreams coming true - putting together an international cultural event.

This is the key: I have too much un-spent energy, and I'm fed up feeding my brain on others (books or shows). I'm most happy when I get to do something: write, cook, dance. So I should cut out on outings and focus on my writing.

Otherwise - picnic in the park last evening with most of our Spanish speaking group, followed by ice-cream with the Italian group (il gelato was not that yummy, "Chez Roberto" lost points), National French Day party tonight at a friend's house, hiking in my dear Adirondacks (US, NY State) tomorrow, meet Ljuba to talk work Sunday and a show of traditional dances around the Mediterranean closing up the week-end. Should be great!

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