Thursday, February 12, 2009

August 2nd, 05 - Emptiness

1289 days ago

Sometimes I feel everything I read or watch is there on purpose...I feel such an urge to give a sense to my live. Just saw The Edukators, about these young German anarchists that break into rich villas and move furniture around, put it in absurd positions (hanged a statue...) and leave notes like Your rich days are finishing...and You have too much money.

Childish fun, somehow, dangerous...we all need adrenaline, they think they make a difference against globalization and capitalism, the other dictatorship.

Made me wonder what can I do about my life, because I need to do something, chase these feelings of futility and uselessness, of being an ant amongst others. I just comply with the system, I need to try to make a change, even if it is at a basic level. This is my main problem lately, I have no attachment to anything, life is too light...The Unbearable Lightness of Being - great book. The three years on the ship were the long break I needed to get to know myself, away from the patterns we grow up with.

Now I need to act, enough of learning to grow up. Growing up hurts (remember Alice in Wonderland?), sometimes you're too big for the space you have to live in. But I'll find a way, once I'm looking for it I'm half done. My own way.

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